some thoughts on love & dating.
Happy February, my friends! January (aka the longest month of the year) is finally over and the days are getting longer and also a little warmer! It is the month for all things pink and red and sweet, the month for writing love letters and for baking heart shaped cookies with sprinkles on top. I just adore Valentines Day, and any opportunity to talk about all things love, so I thought this would be the perfect time to share some of my own (unsolicited) relationship advice. Incase you didn’t know, I’m the oldest of four, and there’s so much I wish I had known when I was younger! So consider this my sisterly attempt to save you from some of my own mistakes!
From the very beginning, you should have clarity! You should not be sitting at home and wondering how he feels about you, or what his intentions are. Because if he likes you, you will know! Seriously. While me and my boyfriend are far from perfect, I have never ever once doubted how he feels for me, because he was communicating it from day one. Confusion is not cool!!!!!!
Do you really really like them or do you just like being in a relationship? Now this one is tricky, because of course being in a relationship is fun and exciting and it’s nice to have someone call you and ask about your day. It’s nice to have someone’s hand to hold and a plus one to weddings. But when it comes down to it, are they someone that you want your future kids to have as a role model? Are they someone that you can trust as an emergency contact, someone that will take care of you when you’re sick? These are things you should be thinking about, because simply becoming a husband or a father is not going to change who they are at their core. You can’t change them. A ring will not change them. Is who they are right now who you could happily spend the rest of your life with? Please please think about it! We do not date potential!!!!!!!
Okay I feel like this one is kind of obvious but just in case… if you are having to come up with excuses for him constantly to your friends, he is not the one. If you are purposely and consistently leaving out pieces of the story, so that whomever you are dating sounds like a better person to your friends/family/co-workers, they are not the one. If their words are not lining up with their actions, or their actions are not lining up with their words, they are not the one.
This applies a little more to the girlies who know or knew deep down that it wasn’t an altogether healthy relationship. You may have found yourself thinking (perhaps subconsciously) that whoever you’re dating is a reflection of yourself. A reflection of either your success or failure in the relationship, of whether you are worthy enough or good enough or pretty enough to keep them around, a reflection of how good of a person you are or aren’t. This kind of behavior might pop up primarily when they do something hurtful or when you are reflecting on the relationship, and you start to say things like “well we were young, he didn’t know any better…”, “he’s a good person but…”, “he didn’t mean to hurt me/lead me on…”. The list could go on and on! The truth is, you don’t have to make excuses for them. Two things can be true, they could have been young, and perhaps not had malicious intent to hurt you or lead you on, and that still be what happened. Believe it and move on for your sake!
Be present and practice gratitude!!!!! I truly do believe this is one of those things that keeps relationships healthy. Don’t take the little things for granted, like the time you get to spend together or the little things they do.
Please please please do not settle for anyone who is not absolutely and insanely happy to be with you. I tell all my friends this, but he should adore you (and vice-versa ofc). You deserve the world, stop settling for guys who simply want a girlfriend or comfortable relationship.
I think that’s all I’m going to say for now. Of course I am no expert, but trust that all this was learned the hard way. As a girlie in the happiest relationship of her life, I now have many many thoughts on the topic and would love to share more of my own experiences from crushes to breakups to the talking phase and all the in-betweens. Happy (early) Valentines Day!! <3 Until next time.
